I'll Title This When I'm Damned Good and Ready

(to be read in singsong "Cafe' Style")

 

I'll never see a verse
As ugly as an eggplant
As twisted as my underwear when I awake.

To see a dawn I now despise
Because it's always in a better mood
than I am!

I hate the rain because it
just encourages
life.

I hate the night because the bugs
always head towards my bald spot.

I hate blue skies because they make the sea
somehow redundant.

You know, I'm old enough
that all it takes to tick me off
is being conscious!

I envy rotten vegetables and beetles
on my windshield
because they never have to suffer
in the morning, when they're zipping up!

Unlike us hairy bipeds;
who never had a chance
because we're stuck
on some substandard planet!

You know,
I doubt
I'd even mind the times
when God was pissing on us,
If, just for once,
he'd leave the seat up
when he's done!

© Elas Giordano 1995
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